Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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