y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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