i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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