guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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