I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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