Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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