Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
