let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
