I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is Oprah even human
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
