The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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