Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
