when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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