Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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