I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
