dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
