Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
