Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
