I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
