make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
