is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
