If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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