if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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