I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
