Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
