she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
