I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
