Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
