evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
