Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
