White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
