This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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