Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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