It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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