Sry I called you an 8
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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