i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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