dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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