It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
