dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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