I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
