instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
