she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
