I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
