did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
