he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
