if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
