I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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