Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
