i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
