Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
