a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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