I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
